Lean Into the Light

What’s this Heavy Feeling?

Lately I’ve been waking with a heavy feeling. When I tune in and ask, “Is this mine?”, I realize I’m sensing into the collective conscious feeling of overwhelm and sadness. The Overwhelm and Sadness that comes when the world feels out of control, unsettled, fractured, and loud. When what we read in the news offers a steady stream of crisis, conflict, controversy and even hate. The problems seem intertwined and insurmountable. I find myself wondering, “How can I make a difference?”. 

I read comments from friends and colleagues who know how to stay grounded, how to set boundaries, how to regulate their nervous system, how to be a positive force in the world. I hear the sense of despair in what they write as they question the blind following of the inexplicable evil happening south of our border. And I want to say, “We know the answer.” Doesn’t make it any easier but we do know the answer. 

Explaining the Cult

Science tells us what happens when people feel compromised, uncertain, and unstable in our social arenas. Beyond anxiety, these conditions create the opportunity for rigid group alignment and cult-like dynamics. When people feel threatened, disoriented, or excluded, the need to belong intensifies. And we also know the need to belong is so great that people will compromise their values to fit in. They’ll compromise their values even when they know what they’re doing is wrong. It takes a lot of soul-searching and really hard work to break away from the cult.  Read first person memoir and survivor accounts written by people who got out. Read Deborah Layton who recounts life in and escape from Jonestown, or Tara Westover who talks about escaping an isolated authoritarian household practising strict religious belief systems. 

I hear people asking how well educated people can be so blind as to the negative effects of their actions. There are many reasons for this. Motivated reasoning is when we tend to accept information that confirms our existing beliefs and dismisses what threatens us. The facts become filtered. Confirmation bias also plays a role. Confirmation bias is the tendency to search for, interpret, favour and recall information in a way that confirms or supports our prior beliefs or values. And these are just a few of the behavioural and social psychology explanations to help us understand the insanity. The science is dismissed by the cult. 

Circle of Influence

It feels so big and I wonder, “What can I do?”.  Like a turbulent ocean. How do I keep from being sucked into the whirlpool of noise and drowning in the resulting feelings of helplessness? How do I stay out of the ‘paralysis of nothing I can do’ or ‘whatever I do it’s not enough’? 

I once had a boss who talked about the circle of influence. I railed against it at the time. It was a time in my life when I believed if I worked hard enough, I could make significant changes in big systems.  And in some ways, I did! I’ve since come to realize that continuous and sustained effort in my circle also has the power to make significant change. There are small steps I and others can take against large, unwieldy, powerful systems. When I make the decision to take action against the system, to choose wisely, and to do what I can do, I can make a difference. 

Making a Difference

Here are some ideas. 

• Find a way every day to pay it forward. Be kind. Realize that you don’t know what’s happening in someone else’s life and when they do something to irritate you, offer some grace. They may have things going on that are bigger than what you can comprehend. Cut them some slack. 
• Live in the place of curiosity rather than judgment. As humans, it’s easy to fall into the trap of judgment. Curiosity keeps us in a learner mode rather than in judger mode. Read Marilee Adams Change Your Questions Change Your Life.
• Explore your values and live by them. What really matters to you and what are the positive ways you can express them?
• Set realistic boundaries. Boundaries are interesting. Sometimes they need to be firm and they’re not open for negotiation. Other times it’s appropriate to look for the win-win. Get clear about what the situation calls for. When you need to, state and stand your ground. When it’s appropriate – negotiate.
• Listen deeply and question first before sharing the information you’ve heard. What are the facts of the situation? Have you verified what you’ve heard? Is this share worthy? What is being served by sharing?
• Resist the pull of the common, the complaining, the fear-mongering. Mom always said, “Rise above it.” Ask yourself, “What’s to be gained by swimming in the cesspool of negativity?”.
• Do something…anything that will make a positive difference. Find a way to lift somebody up. Send messages of hope. Contribute to a cause. Donate something. Lend a hand. Offer an ear or a shoulder to share. A burden shared is a burden halved.
• Believe, really believe, there’s more good than evil in our world. And while it can feel like evil has the upper hand right now, remember there’s a silent majority learning how to become vocal, how to become active, how to push back against the evil so that the light can win. Be a part of the light.

It doesn’t feel so hopeless when I remember we are all connected. When I spend my energy finding the good. When I take small steps every day to lean into the light. When I offer the invitation to join me in the  spreading the light. It doesn’t feel so hopeless then. Be a light worker.