Shame or Accountability… What do You Think?
Facebooks asks what’s on your mind….. ? I have a clear answer to that question today. It comes about as Nova Scotia is working hard to prevent or curb (you decide the verb) a third wave of positive COVID19 cases in the province. This last experience (outbreak) in a province that has been doing SO WELL, has some people talking about shaming those believed to have made poor choices with respect to quarantine and gathering with others. For me, this raises a question about the perceived value of shaming.
According to Brene Brown, a researcher at the University of Houston, shame is an “intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” It’s an emotion that affects all of us and profoundly shapes the way we interact in the world. In a TED talk that she did on the difference between shame and guilt she offered, “Shame is a focus on self, guilt is a focus on behavior. Shame is I am bad. Guilt is I did something bad. How many of you, if you did something that was hurtful to me, would be willing to say, “I’m sorry. I made a mistake?” How many of you would be willing to say that? Guilt: I’m sorry. I made a mistake. Shame: I’m sorry. I am a mistake.”
Accountability, as a noun, is the fact or condition of being accountable; responsibility. And following a quick search google search on the word accountability… “Accountability is when an individual or department experiences consequences for their performance or actions. Accountability is essential for an organization and for a society. Without it, it is difficult to get people to assume ownership of their own actions because they believe they will not face any consequences.”
What is the conversation we need to engage in as a society during these very difficult times that raises the bar on accountability? What do we do with a desire to shame? How do we get to the place of individual and shared accountability for the common good?
We’ve been doing a great job here in Nova Scotia. By far, the vast majority of people have been following the public health protocols and looking out for others while caring for oneself. That makes it hard when the actions of a few impact so many and not just here at home but around the world. (Consider the IIHF scheduled for Halifax cancelled and all the families separated by distance and restrictions). So, I suppose it is somewhat understandable when frustration and anger surfaces and invokes the desire to shame.
However, I would rather we elevate the conversation. Shift away from the notion of shaming an individual and invite changed behaviour. How much better off might we be?
